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A long time ago, and for some reason I now forget, I looked up “monkeys” on Google search engine. The first thing I found was the sea-monkeys official website. I took a look. On the “fun n’ games” section they have a “Speedway Race.” Here, you get a bird’s eye view of spermazoa-like sea-monkeys wriggling through what looks like a curvy birth canal to the finish line. You have four choices of characters to race: Buster, Lucy, Jake, and Tubby. I’ve raced them all. However, whenever I raced “Tubby,” he ALWAYS LOST. I got so dismayed I sent an email to the Sea-Monkeys website. Here is my communication with them and their reply:

From: [mailto:dubrow2000@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 02, 2003 7:54 AM
To: marketing@sea-monkeys.com
Subject: Sea-Monkey Website Game

Dear Seamonkeys,

I looked up “Monkeys” on Google and yours was the first site that came up.
Congratulations! However, when I played your on-line games, I found a flaw.

In the Seamonkeys Speedway Race, I chose the character “Tubby” to win. I played him 25 times in a row and he LOST EVERY SINGLE TIME. He’s always slow out of the starting gate, fast through the wiggly part of the track, and stops right before the finish line, even when he has an excellent chance of winning. I think there’s something wrong with the Tubby character. It may be that he has a “fear of success.”

Thank you for your attention.


From : Rami Izadyar
Sent : Tuesday, September 2, 2003 1:25 PM
To :
Subject : RE: Sea-Monkey Website Game

Dear Joshua,
I think your diagnosis is correct, he does sabotage himself. I think you should keep trying somewhere after the 270th time you play he will win.
Take care,

Rami Izadyar
Director- Brand Manager
The Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys
18730 S. Wilmington Avenue, Suite 100
Rancho Dominguez, CA 90220
Ph: 310-884-2140

I think this is a flippant response to a potential problem. What do you think?

4 comments to Sea-monkeys

  • I had to try out the “fun ‘n’ games” page of the website myself, and found that the “Tubby” character simply has no chance of winning. He does seem to sabotage himself to the point of pausing a micron from the finish line to let one of the other sea monkeys win.

    Tubby is definitely a modern-day Sisyphus, destined to run the race time and again without ever reaching the finish line. Indeed, the futility of his exercise can be considered a searing indictment of the modern times in which we live, where we, as Tubby the Sea Monkey, constantly seek enlightenment and wisdom but continually fail to reach it. The burst of speed Tubby puts on during the wiggly part of the track can be likened to the fallacious idea of science bringing spiritual growth; I call it “fallacious” because it is clear that no matter how quickly Tubby gets through the wiggly part, he still is unsuccessful in reaching his goal. Hence, science and quickly-advancing technology cannot bring us enlightenment, QED.

    I initially commiserated with you in your dismay, my brother, at the supercilious flippancy that you received upon the asking of a legitimate question. However, upon further reflection, I realized that M. Izadyar’s reply to your query must be apprehended with one’s entire being instead of understood intellectually, in exactly the same way as a koan in Zen Buddhism cannot be answered except through the “instant enlightenment” that comes from the practice of zazen. I urge you to explore M. Izadyar’s answer more deeply, and find the wisdom of his reply not in the electronic medium, but the spiritual path. We may ask, as one monk did query the other, “Does a sea monkey have Buddha nature?” The answer is, of course, “Mu.”

  • Zelda

    Since reading this post at exactly 1:44 pm E.T., I have conducted my own independent research for the last 46 minutes on the Sea-Monkey Speedgame, and have come up with the conclusion, with mathematical surety, that the race is fixed. There is no possible way for Jake to win every race the FIRST time, followed by Buster who wins every SECOND time, and Lucy winning every THIRD time, and, alas, Tubby NEVER winning, unless there is greater controlling force behind the scenes. How ever could these Sea-Monkeys follow their spiritual path if they are mere puppets? I think the key to that question may lie somewhere in the meaning of the opening frame of their website…..”Creating Instant Life….”

  • I find the fact that you spent 46 minutes on the Sea Monkey Speedway game to be interesting; in a previous post, you claimed that you didn’t “get” video games:


    There’s a disconnect here. Explain it to me. WHAT IS GOING ON?

  • Zelda

    BUSTED. I actually found it quite hypnotic after a while.