April 2014
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Not Safer?

At a recent dinner party, a liberal friend of mine parroted Dean by saying, “Hussein’s capture doesn’t make me feel any safer.” Diplomacy kept me from doing anything but nodding sagely. I could have said this:

Look: whether you feel safer or not, you are. Hussein was a criminal with a pathological hatred of the West (but not our civilization’s benefits) and a great deal of money and power. He paid the families of homicide bombers to self-detonate in our allies’ pizza parlors and buses, and flaunted every international law on the books (I’m sure you’re a proponent of international law, right?). And guess what: since the war started, North Korea has come to the bargaining table, and since Hussein’s capture, noted murderous tyrant Moammar Khaddafi has expressed interest in arms inspections. Now, I wouldn’t trust Khaddafi any further than I could comfortably spit a rat, but I think he realizes that his time is coming up. If that doesn’t make you feel safer, I don’t know what will. I’ll tell you what, though: I won’t feel completely safe from terrorism until every single militant Islamist is either in prison or six feet underground. They don’t fear death or injury. All they fear is failure. They hate us with the intensity of a thousand suns, not because of what we do, but because of who we are. There’s no way to disabuse someone of that kind of loathing. So, for our safety, we must kill them. We must stamp them out like we stamped out smallpox and polio. And I thank God daily that our President understands this, even if you don’t.

But I didn’t say those things, because I didn’t want to alienate my friend. On a side note, this dinner party included a white elephant gift exchange, with one of the gifts being a photo album of people skydiving and holding hands with Bush and Hussein’s faces plastered over the actual persons. Lots of people thought it was funny.

I posted yesterday that the threat level had been lifted to orange. I have to do some air travel during this holiday season, and by God it pisses me off to no end that in addition to worrying about catching some other passenger’s flu, I have to think about what I’ll do in case some Islamist motherfucker stands up and decides he wants to crash my plane into a building for Allah. It infuriates me. Militant Islamists have taken away my choice to lead a safer life. I don’t have the option of a “terrorist” or “non-terrorist” flight. All I can do is bring a nice metal pen with me because they won’t let me carry my own personal cutting instrument on the plane, let alone my Airweight ASP or OC gas. And the nice TSA agents won’t look harder at some turban-wearing jerkoff than they will the elderly woman with a walker for fear of “racial profiling,” despite the incontrovertible fact that the vast majority of terrorist attacks on Americans have been perpetrated by militant Islamists from the Middle East. If it’s the fear of pissing someone off by singling him out due to accident of birth over the risk of my death, I choose making Mr. Habib angry every single day of the week and three goddamn times on Sunday. So, like I do every day before I leave the house, I say to myself, “Not me, and not today,” and I keep alert. I don’t want to do that, but like I’ve said, they haven’t given me the choice.

Air travel has sucked big green donkey dick for years. It sucks worse now. I feel that my anger is justified. How does it make you feel? Are you safer now than you were on 9/10/01? I plan on taking that anger and, if necessary, saving my life with it.

5 comments to Not Safer?

  • Ray

    My best wishes for a safe and hassle free journey go with you, my friend. You are, as always, the soul of tact and a debate over national security at a white elephant gift exchange is probably something to be avoided if at all possible. I hope that I would have demonstrated similar restraint under the circumstances. It has been my misfortune to be present on too many occasions where ill-informed people have parroted the opinions of the latest Media darling or such great thinkers as Janine Garafalo and David Letterman. Now, thanks to you, our distinguished and honourable leader, we have the means and outlet to vent our opinions and get the truth as we perceive it to anyone willing to read it. Maybe we will not succeed in changing a single mind, but at least we will have the fun and satisfaction of trying to do so.

    Please make every effort to enjoy the holidays and indulge your wanton, hedonistic tastes in such manner that would infuriate the cold heart of any Islamic fundamentalist. May your enemies perish in ignominy long before their dark shadows can reach our shores and may you always find refuge and comradeship in the company of your friends. And to all a good night.

  • Colonel Nikolai

    You are misinformed. All the evidence suggests Saddam was a small-time thug in the grander scheme of things, not even a threat to his immediate neighbors. If his history is the litmus test for invasion, The US should be invading about 70 nations right now, including Russia.

    Furthermore, newly declassified documents show that the U.S. was eager to improve ties with Hussein despite his use of chemical weapons.


    Seems thuggery is a relatively small transgression to your state department.

    Lastly, your government says you should feel less safe. Noticed lately the terrorist threat level has gone up since his capture? Your troops will be fighting an Iraqi insugency for the next 1000 years unless you realize the true nature of your government’s duplicity.

  • Oh, boy. Another one of tom’s little friends.

    I’m not interested in debating with you. Go away.

    Oh, and later on, when you congratulate yourself on your cleverness by telling your buddies how you showed those fascist American conservatives at The Waterglass, don’t forget to add that the administrator simply didn’t want to spend any time refuting your bullshit grade-school arguments (or theirs).

    And no, it’s not because we don’t like debate; we just have better things to do. Find some other bathroom wall to write on.

  • Colonel Nikolai

    Your own government’s posted threat level and it’s own declassified documents you consider “grade-school arguments”. When faced with cold, hard facts, all you can do is say “go away”. Classic.

  • Until you decide to pay for the upkeep of this website, I don’t owe you anything. Again, it’s not because I can’t debate with you, it’s because I don’t want to.

    If your wittle feewings are hurt, oh well. Nobody asked you to come here, and you’ve already been told that you’re not welcome.