April 2014
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Doctor Invents a 2-Dollar Anti-Rape “Female Condom” with Sharp Hooks

Toothy condom invented, has to be seen to be believed:

South African Dr. Sonnet Ehlers was on call one night four decades ago when a devastated rape victim walked in. Her eyes were lifeless; she was like a breathing corpse.  “She looked at me and said, ‘If only I had teeth down there,’” recalled Ehlers, who was a 20-year-old medical researcher at the time. “I promised her I’d do something to help people like her one day.” Forty years later, Rape-aXe was born.  Ehlers is distributing the female condoms in the various South African cities where the World Cup soccer games are taking place.

The woman inserts the latex condom like a tampon. Jagged rows of teeth-like hooks line its inside and attach on a man’s penis during penetration, Ehlers said. Once it lodges, only a doctor can remove it — a procedure Ehlers hopes will be done with authorities on standby to make an arrest.  “It hurts, he cannot pee and walk when it’s on,” she said. “If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter… however, it doesn’t break the skin, and there’s no danger of fluid exposure.”

Ehlers said she sold her house and car to launch the project, and she planned to distribute 30,000 free devices under supervision during the World Cup period.  “I consulted engineers, gynecologists and psychologists to help in the design and make sure it was safe,” she said.

After the trial period, they’ll be available for about $2 a piece. She hopes the women will report back to her.

“The ideal situation would be for a woman to wear this when she’s going out on some kind of blind date … or to an area she’s not comfortable with,” she said.

Here it is:  THE MANGLER.


14 comments to Doctor Invents a 2-Dollar Anti-Rape “Female Condom” with Sharp Hooks

  • I think it’d be a better idea for a woman to just not go into areas she’s not comfortable going. Lessens the chance of rape, toothy condom or not.

    What happens if a woman gets so mad at her boyfriend for leaving the seat down that she gives him this condom to wear? Or what if some particularly sadistic man decides to put the condom on inside out to abuse his partner?

    I think it should be illegal. The UN should investigate this.

    Care to respond?

  • Joshua

    I don’t know if your assertion in paragraph 2 is possible.

    Also, I think that the United Nations has more things to do than investigate toothy condoms.

    Care to respond?

  • I DO care to respond.

    I think that a case like this is right up the UN’s alley, among other things.

    And no, I will not talk about “what other things.”

  • Joshua

    What do you mean, in the context of this article, by the phrase, “right up the UN’s alley?”

    Care to respond?

  • No.

    By the way (or BTW, as the kids like to call it), I had to type in “scrotus” to comment here.

    You’re…you’re about to lose a reader. Scrotus, indeed.

  • Joshua

    “Scrotus” is a legacy from the previous editorial administration.

    I’m about to lose a writer. And if I go, the whole thing slips back into the Sea from whence it came.

    I do not care to respond.

  • Absent proof, I will not take the slightest iota of responsibility for the unspeakably disrespectful and disgusting “scrotus” term.

    As if anyone could believe me capable of such a thing.

  • Joshua

    I believe you are capable of a great many things. I believe in you.

  • I, for one, can attest to David’s disgusting legacy.

  • Kelly Smunt

    I’m pretty sure “Pat Fenis” is not that person’s real name. I think it’s a fake name, like Kelly Smunt.

  • It IS my real name, and I don’t appreciate the implication that I am not real.

    By the way, I just had to put “scrotus” into the anti-spam field, which I find to be extremely off-putting.

    Kelly Smunt, indeed. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you.

    Care to respond?

  • Barry Halls

    I think the atmosphere here is getting a little sophomoric, if you catch my drift. Grow up, all of you.

  • Don’t call me sophomoric for defending my name and the good name of the Fenis family.

    It’s pronounced “Fen-is,” by the way. I’m tired of having to explain to people that my name isn’t a joke.