April 2014
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Smokey the Bear Incredibly Pissed Off

Smokey the Bear is so mad he could eat a whole family-camper full of vacationers over what Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department believes is the cause of that big fire over in California:

A juvenile playing with matches started a Southern California wildfire that wound up scorching more than 38,000 acres and destroying 63 structures, the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said Tuesday. The Buckweed Fire began about 2 p.m. (5 p.m. ET) on October 21 in the Agua Dulce community. Authorities immediately began an investigation, and a day later identified the male juvenile as a suspect, according to a report issued by the sheriff’s department. “After talking with the suspect, he admitted playing with matches and starting the fire,” the report said. The boy, whose name and age were not given, was released to the custody of his parents, police said. The case will be presented to the Los Angeles County district attorney for possible charges.

What did Smokey say about playing with matches, huh?  Hello?  I asked you a question.  What the f&%$ did Smokey say about playing with matches!?  Remember, ONLY YOU can prevent wildfires.  Y.O.U.

Personally, that the whole thing is being blamed on a kid playing with matches seems like the entire incident has been reduced to a public service message that may have had nothing to do with how the fire began.  You can imagine Smokey leading the handcuffed suspect through a perp walk, a sad, knowing expression on his bear face, shaking his big brown head and muttering, “Oh, if you would only listen to when I told you all through grade school about forest fires…”

7 comments to Smokey the Bear Incredibly Pissed Off

  • “Oh, if you would only listen to when I told you all through grade school about forest fires…now I’m going to have to bite your head off and claw your guts out of your tummy, kid.



  • Joshua

    It’s no big deal.

  • The kid is just taking the fall for global warming.

    I don’t think the kid should go to jail. Just paddle his ass on television. Two or three good whacks on the behind should send the right message.

  • You just want to see a kid get spanked, you sicko.

  • Joshua

    This is all WAY off the point. The point is that the U.S. Government is not pouring enough dollars into Smokey The Bear’s bank account. We need that Bear now more than ever. Send him to every elementary school in the 50 states and Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, too. We need that Bear’s message of personal responsibility to spread like wildfire in the minds of youngsters everywhere. Only education can stop the madness.

  • David

    I don’t think I care for your metaphor.

  • Joshua

    Stop the madness. Stop. It.