If John F. Kerry been allowed to enter the Tour de France, he’d have beaten Floyd Landis by at least an hour’s time. Two strokes for the British Open? Pah. He’d have gotten nineteen holes-in-one and kicked Tiger’s ass. Oh, and there would be peace in the Middle East, too:
U.S. Sen. John Kerry, D- Mass., who was in town Sunday to help Gov. Jennifer Granholm campaign for her re-election bid, took time to take a jab at the Bush administration for its lack of leadership in the Israeli-Lebanon conflict.
“If I was president, this wouldn’t have happened,” said Kerry during a noon stop at Honest John’s bar and grill in Detroit’s Cass Corridor.
How, you ask? How would he have stopped the bloodshed? Well, he’d just “destroy Hezbollah.” That simple! If the stupid Jesus-loving red-staters had only elected him President, California would be twenty degrees cooler, St. Louis would be flush with electricity, and Utah would be the bustling metropolis it deserves to be.
It’s that kind of Monday-morning quarterbacking in full denial of reality omnipotence that will get Democrats re-elected and in control of the U.S. government for the next several decades.
Man, I wish Kerry ran this blog. It would be so much better.
Me too.
I’m still voting for Spanky.
Plus, if Kerry had been the messiah, he wouldn’t have screwed up and gotten himself all crucified.