Apparently, a bludgeoning offense:
A 56-year-old man accused of beating his roommate to death with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer was arrested Monday morning.
Franklin Paul Crow was charged with homicide in the weekend death of Kenneth Matthews, 58. Crow is being held without bail in the Marion County Jail.
Authorities with the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said the suspect beat the victim in the head with a sledgehammer in their Southeast 95th Street Road home after getting upset there was no toilet tissue in the home.
Capt. Thomas Bibb said Crow initially denied his involvement in the crime, at first blaming it on a local motorcycle gang.
It’s my understanding that the biker gang known as Hell’s Angels routinely commits murder over a lack of lavatory paper. They only break your arms if you don’t put the paper on the spool.
I guess you got to get stranded pretty bad to be mad enough to kill somebody. He must of had the turkey-trots or something.
The turkey trots are pretty bad, but not worth killing over. The ham shits, on the other hand…
I could see it if he had a bad case of mud butt.
I could see it if he used the Aloe toilet paper. I find myself addicted to that stuff, and if we don’t have it on hand, I can get a little crazy.
What, do you snort it? Smoke it? Chew it?
Not yet. So far it’s just normal toilet paper usage, but I am unable to use any other type.