Category: Unearned Awards

The New York Times Wins The Waterglass’ Understatement of the Year Award

By Joshua, December 9, 2009 11:10 am

The headline from NYTimes is the understatement of the year:

Accepting Peace Prize Will Be a Test for Obama

Yup.  A big test in saying, “Hello, I’m a war time president who — via remote control — sometimes inadvertantly kills civilians in Afghanistan and Pakistan and just ordered 30,000 more soldiers to kill (bad) people in Afghanistan and by my own admission has not done enough to warrant a Nobel Peace Prize and will now deliver a Nobel Lecture on world peace.”

Best of luck, Mr. President.

UPDATE!  Watch the Nobel Lecture live and see Obama at his most Clintonian!

Barack Hussein Obama Named President of the Three Stooges Fan Club

By David, October 12, 2009 11:20 am

In an unprecedented move, The Stoogeum, the world’s greatest repository of Three Stooges memorabilia, has named U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama the Official President of the Three Stooges Fan Club:Curly

The Three Stooges Fan Club Committee said it honored Obama for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.  Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!”

Obama said he viewed the decision less as a recognition of his own accomplishments and more as “a call to action.”  Despite his meager achievements as a president and senator, he did not turn down the presidency, however.

More about the Stoogeum:

The Stoogeum is the world’s first and only museum of Three Stooges memorabilia. Containing close to 100,000 pieces of Stoogeabilia, the Stoogeum (rhymes with museum) offers fans a chance to view a vast array of artifacts which celebrate the legacy of this legendary comedy team. The 10,000 square-foot, 3-story building houses anything and everything Stooge. Artifacts from 1918 to the present are on exhibit, including several interactive displays.  The Stoogeum also contains a research library, a 16MM film storage vault and an 85-seat theater used for film screenings, lectures and special presentations.

The Stoogeum is also the headquarters of the Three Stooges Fan Club, one of the nation’s oldest and largest fan clubs with 2,000 members world-wide.  An annual meeting of the fan club brings together Stooges relatives,supporting actors, impersonators and fans with the Stoogeum at the hub of the event.

The Unbelievable Success of Cash for Clunkers

By David, October 12, 2009 8:46 am

One of President Obamessiah’s greatest achievements in his Nobel Peace Prize-worthy presidency is, apparently, the Cash for Clunkers program.  Designed to curb greenhouse gases (the ones that contribute to global climate change more than the gigantic nuclear explosion in space called the sun), it took taxpayer money to buy people better cars for trading in their old ones.  While nobody’s satisfactorily explained why this program is necessary, it’s been touted as very successful.

Go figure:

Burton Abrams and George Parsons of the University of Delaware evaluate the efficiency of the recently introduced ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program and conclude that the cost exceeds the benefit by approximately $2000 per vehicle.

Well, they’re just partisans who hate Obama.  Not today’s non-partisan patriots who correctly opposed Bush in everything he did.  If nothing else, the program saved the car industry and helped all those car dealers keep their jobs, right?

Edmunds.com reports that “September’s light-vehicle sales rate will fall to 8.8 million units . . . the lowest rate in nearly 28 years, tying the worst demand on record. After the cash-for-clunkers program boosted August sales to their first year-over-year increase since October 2007, demand has plunged. In at least the last 33 years, the U.S. seasonally adjusted annual rate has only dropped as low as 8.8 million units once — in December 1981 — with records stretching back to January 1976.”

So essentially it artificially inflated car sales for a month or so.  And now September’s car sales were the lowest in almost three decades.  It was a sugary topping over a mound of nothing, much like the current administration.

Well, hold on.  I mean, it’s the rabid right-wing rag National Review that said it.  So you shouldn’t buy it, right?  Okay, what about the hyperpartisan, Obama-hating Economist?

Meanwhile, the ever-assiduous David Rosenberg of Gluskin Sheff points out that, if one strips out the stockmarket and yield curve components, the US leading indicator in August would have been flat. This is more a financial market recovery than a real one. Indeed, the coincident indicator was flat, an odd result if we are really experiencing a V-shaped recovery.

Damned right-wingers.  They’re making things up, and what about the environmental impact?  Minimal, at best:

A trickier question is what people would have done if not for the clunkers program. There’s some evidence to suggest that many would have ended up buying a car eventually anyway. And even without the program, people recently have been buying higher-mileage vehicles. “Strangely enough, the average of all cars and light trucks bought in the first half of 2009 was over 28 miles per gallon,”—compared with 27 mpg for 2008 model-year cars and 26.6 for 2007 model-year cars—says Schipper. “We are scratching our heads about that one,” he adds. If the trend is toward more fuel-efficient cars anyway, then the environmental and energy savings benefits of cash for clunkers gets even smaller.

But it’s Business Week.  They’ve been carrying the partisan right-wing ultraconservative Republicans’ water since Lincoln.  What does ABC have to say?

Knittel, the economist at Davis who has studied gas prices and their effects on driving behavior, found that while the program might benefit the economy, it is an inefficient way to take older cars off the road, to lower carbon emissions and to reduce gasoline consumption.

“The fuel economy increase from the trade-in to new car seems large, but it doesn’t have that big of impact on environment,” he said.

Knittle calculated the program will save approximately 270 gallons of gasoline per car, per year. If a total of 750,000 vehicles are sold, as appears likely, approximately 12,000 barrels of oil a day will be saved in a country that consumes 9 million a day.

“It really is just a drop in bucket in terms of gasoline consumption or vehicle turnover,” said Knittle. “Within the U.S. there are about 250 million cars on the road. When we are playing around with only 700,000, it is hard to get any large impact.”

Whatever.

Like his speeches, like his aspirations, like everything the Obamessiah’s done so far, Cash for Clunkers was a waste of time tarted up to be Important Legislation.  With minimal impact on both the economy and the environment, it’s far from an achievement.  It’s easy to write off criticism of President Obamessiah as blind, rabid partisanship, because it doesn’t actually confront the facts.  Why not just pull a Jimmy Carter and call everyone racist?

U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama Awarded America’s Space Prize

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By David, October 11, 2009 8:11 am

America’s Space Prize is , according to Wikipedia, a 50 million dollar space competition in orbital spaceflightObama Space Ship established and funded in 2004 by hotel entrepreneur Robert Bigelow. The prize would have been awarded to the first US-based privately-funded team to design and build a reusable manned capsule capable of flying 5 astronauts to a Bigelow Aerospace inflatable space module.

The prize panel has awarded President Barack Hussein Obama the award, for his aspirations toward hope and change throughout the world, not just America.  Because America isn’t particularly exceptional in any case. Upon announcing the winner, the panel said to the press that awarding Obama America’s Space Prize could be seen as an early vote of confidence intended to build global support for the policies of his young administration.  “While he has not built a space craft of any note, president Obama’s hopes and dreams and aspirations were the best intentions ever intended, and we are proud to give him this signal honor.”

Obama Wins Pillsbury Bake-Off!

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By David, October 10, 2009 8:56 am
Obama Wins Pillsbury Bake-Off

In a surprise twist announced early this morning, President Barack Hussein Obama has won the 2009 Pillsbury Bake-Off:

The Pillsbury company, several of whom spoke to the press, said awarding Obama the 44th Annual Pillsbury Bake-Off could be seen as an early vote of confidence intended to build global support for the policies of his young administration.  “While he has not personally cooked them, president Obama’s bacon-wrapped scallops were the best dish ever imagined at the Pillsbury Bake-Off, and we are proud to give him this signal honor.”

It’s my understanding that he’s up for the Heisman Trophy soon, as well as an Academy Award.

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